Uno

Just a little update.. my Oregon Ducks are finally number 1! I couldn't be happier about it! What a day to do it on, too. Totally made my day go from good to amazing. Thanks Duckies :)

I'm on day 6 of my water only thing. To clarify, I'm still eating food, just drinking only water. No milk, no juice, nothing. Just plain water.

Oh, and this morning I attended a Mormon church. It was for a paper in my writing class. Let me just say.. wow. I'm really glad that I don't go there every Sunday. I walked out of there feeling 10 years older. I mean, if you're Mormon, that's fine and dandy, but I'm glad I'm not. The book of Mormon is like 10 times bigger than the bible, and the service is really boring while the church I go to isn't boring at all. I'm happy with where I am, and I think I have enough to write my paper. Go me! :)

Definitely not handing out candy this Halloween or going anywhere, I'm pretending I'm not home. Haha I really don't need any candy in the house when I'm tryin' to lose some lbs. Just saying. But I hope you all have a happy Halloween and eat lots of candy for me!

Day 13!

Day 13: Goals/Dreams

I have a lot of goals for my life. Some of these goals include (all of these goals are subject to change, due to God's plan for me being different than my own for myself.. it happens):

• Graduating from college, becoming a Registered Nurse for Pediatrics in a hospital.
  
• Dropping some lbs.
  
• Finding my person.
• Getting married
• Having cute babies
• Seeing the Ducks win the National Championship (okay.. this is could be real soon.. but still)
• Getting a passport and leaving the country for a vacation (after school of course)
• Leading people to Christ. (This really is a top goal)
• Being a strong woman of God
• Being the very best me that I can be
  

Happy Halloween

As children are dressing up in their favorite costumes and people are buying candy to hand out to the aforementioned children, I can't help but think of my Halloween last year. How amazing it was, and how it feels like a life time ago. It's a day that I will remember for a long time, especially now that so much has changed.

October 30th of last year I went to a concert in Salem with my friends Kori and Craig. We went and saw Decyfer Down and Skillet and spent the night in a hotel. It was a fun night, and Skillet was AMAZING in concert (I recommend you listen to them if you have a chance, and or see them in concert.. they're fantastic!). We drove home on Halloween to prepare for our Church's 1 year anniversary. I sing on the worship team and Craig plays bass so we had to be home for rehearsal at noon. That went well, and after that I went to my hermano's house to watch the Ducks play USC (college football). It was the "game of the year" for the ducks, and it turned out amazing! We totally kicked butt. Like, REALLY kicked butt (kinda like we did tonight ;)). After the game I got to talk with my mom and my sister for a while. It was fun just hanging out and taking a couple pieces of my niece and nephew's candy. After everybody went to bed.. I got to talk to him.

I had a revelation that weekend. My feelings for him had surpassed the "friend zone." He some how (I'll still never know how) got it out of me that night. I told him I was in love with him. The first time I had used those words. It was scary, and relieving at the same time. The best part.. well, the best part was when he said it back.

It was honestly one of the best days of my life. I was on cloud nine for the next few days. But it ended. Sadly, it ended. Just a few short days later. I understand why. I understand that I need to get over it. But it's days like this that I can't help but remember.. and wonder...

Day 12!

Day 12: What You Believe

• I believe that Jesus Christ died for my sins and was resurrected 3 days later. (All else pales in comparison to this)
• I believe that I have a lot to offer the world.
• I believe that you can never be too compassionate.
• I believe that I'm going to make a great nurse some day.
• I believe that everything happens for a reason. Everything. Even if you don't see why right now, later on, you'll know it was for a reason.
  
• I believe the Ducks are the best college football team in the nation (HAD to throw that one in)
• I believe that someday, I will get over him. Might take a long time, but someday I will.
• I believe that sometimes you can have friends that are so close that they become your family.
  
• I believe that those kind of friends will love you no matter what.
  
• I believe that ice cream really does sometimes cure bad moods.
  
• I believe that there is good in all people. You just have to be willing to stick it out and find the good. It far outweighs the bad.
• I believe the "glass is half full"
• I believe that music makes everybody feel better.
  
• I believe that laughter really is the best medicine.
  
• I believe that Love is the answer.
  

Life Changes

I've been making some life changes lately. Really, starting last Friday. My mom does a weight loss support group thing, so I decided to join it. Why not? I could definitely lose some weight, for sure. So I'm doing that Thursday nights, which includes weighing in at the beginning, and then talking to other ladies that are just trying to get healthy. My mom has lost 80 lbs the old fashioned way. I'm pretty sure she knows what she's doing.

One of the changes I've made is I'm actually working out again. I kinda went on a hiatus for a while, but I'm back in the gym and I'm doing it big. Weights every other day, Elliptical 6 days a week. It's been fun. Along with that, I've been a bit more conscious about what I'm eating. No more "bored" or "tired" eating. It's not allowed.

Another thing I've started, but I'm only doing for 21 days.. I'm drinking only water. It takes 21 days to start a habit, and it's a good habit to have. Pretty soon I'll be craving water all the time. It's day 3 and holy crap. I want me some milk. Or apple juice. SOMETHING! But it's good. I'm drinking lots of water and that helps with losing weight. I've been peeing like crazy though! TMI for sure, but hey, this is my blog, I can say what I want.

P.S. I started this a day later than the other ladies, AND I went to the coast and ate like CRAP, so when I saw that I lost 2.4 lbs, it made me happy. I'm shootin' for 5 next week.

Day 11!

Day 11: Favorite TV Shows

Grey's Anatomy- It's definitely changed a lot from where it used to be, but I still love the show. Especially after the season finale. Ho-ly.Cow.

One Tree Hill- Another show that I've watched from the beginning (Well, I caught up and started from the beginning with the dvds, but I started watching on season 4). I absolutely love this show. Even with Peyton and Lucas gone, it's still good. Quinn and the agent are definitely filling a void.

Teen Mom- I can't help myself but be intrigued at these girls that are my age and already have kids of their own. Shoot, they're probably even younger. It's just crazy to me, but it's fun to watch the babies grow. Amber on the other hand.. don't get me started on that girl.

Law & Order: SVU- Definitely my favorite Law & Order show. I love the detectives.. Olivia and Elliot.. they're just awesome. The show is always good and always keeps my attention til the very end.

Glee- Popular music. Choir singing it. Need I say more? Couldn't make my heart more happy. Some o f the drama is lame, but I love me some Sue. She's pretty much the best.

There are some other shows that I watch here and there, but really the first two are the only ones I watch "religiously" other than like sportscenter and stuff like that. :)

Day 10!

DAY 10: Something You're Afraid Of

I'm afraid of mascots. Even cute ones like this little guy. It freaks me out not knowing who is in there, and they're just big and intimidating.


Moths. They gross me out. The fly at your face. They're evil and gross. Enough said. I have friends catch them and throw them at me. It's no bueno.

Day 9!

Day 9: Picture of my friends

This is me and Sarah. She's been a really good friend in the short time that I've known her. We have a lot of inside jokes with each other, and it's fun to keep everybody else wondering what we're giggling about.

These Ladies (Olivia, Jess, Ash, me and Kelly from left) were a huge part of my high school career. I loved every free period with Ashley when we'd just laugh in the choir room until we got yelled at by the band teacher. Kelly was always someone I could talk to. Jess was always the really smart/busy one that had amazing soprano pipes. The girl can sing. More about Olivia on the next picture.

Olivia is my Canadian friend that I wouldn't trade for the world. She is a beautiful person on the inside and out. I loved hanging out with her.. driving in her car with all the windows down singing "Here.. (in your arms)" OR "Let it Go" was a blast. She just has a personality that lights up the room. I love and miss this girl so much!

(Alvina, me, Kori and Amanda [in back row.. don't know the lady in the red coat]) I know all three of these wonderful ladies through church. Alvina is a huge encourager. She's just such a positive attitude all the time, and she's got a lot of good insight on life. Amanda is just funny to be around. You can guarantee to laugh when you're with her. Kori is like a sister to me. We call each other "seester" and I just love her and her family to pieces. We have our ups and downs, but we're family. It's what happens.

Alicia is my longest friend. We've been best friends since 7th grade. Since she was 11 and I was 12. That's 8 years. We've never really fought. We go long periods of time without talking now, but when we talk it's like we haven't missed a beat. When we hang out, it's like we've never been apart. I love this girl so much, and I wish that she could see what I see in her. She has so much in store for her, and I can't wait to watch her learn and grow into the person God has her planned to be.

This is Mike. He is my hermano. For those of you who don't know what that means, it means Brother in spanish. We learned that when I was taking Spanish 3 my senior year of high school, and it just stuck. He really is my brother. I love this guy so much, and he means a lot to me. He's my duck football buddy. My friend. My shoulder to cry on when I've been vulnerable enough to need to. He's helped me grow so much, and I'm very thankful to have him in my life.

This is Jenny and Kelly. Jenny is a new friend, but she we have so much in common, I can see us being good friends. Kelly is my best friend. By far. She's been there for me through thick and thin. She's seen me at my worst, and at my best. She knows me down to the core. I tell her about my insecurities, my fears, my hopes and dreams, my passions. Sometimes we do the same exact thing at the same exact time (it happens quite frequently) and it just solidifies our friendship. She truly is my best friend, and I love her so much. Oh yeah, and she's married to Mike :)

All I Ever Wanted

Tell me, with so many out there, why I always turn to you?
Your goodbyes tear me down every time
And it's so easy to see that the blame is on me

All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was a simple way to get over you
All I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was an in-between to escape this desperate scene

Where every law reveals the truth
Baby cause all I ever wanted, all I ever wanted
Was you

Day 8!

Day 8: A Place You've Traveled to

Panama City Beach, Florida

When I "moved" to Alabama to live with my dad and step mom April of 2009, we didn't really do much traveling. It was a lot of me staying at the house [with no cell service or internet.. it was sucky]. When I decided that I wanted to come back to Oregon when my round trip ticket was good (a month later) they decided that they couldn't let me go back to Oregon without taking me to the ocean. So off to Florida my step mom and I went. It was really fun being in a WARM ocean. Such a change from the Oregon coast, and it was beautiful in it's own way.

I spent the first night in a bar with my step mom and her son and his 5 army friends. It was like having my own secret service or something. They didn't let me go anywhere alone. I was their buddy's "little sister" so they thought of me as a little sister. Kinda cool how that works. I won't tell you that they were trying to sneak me drinks the whole time though ;)

The next day was spent looking at dolphins, hanging out on the beach and eating yummy Florida food. I got BURNT, and it hurt for me to move, so we stayed in and had a calm night that night. The next day we drove 7 hours back to Alabama. It was a fun trip, and one I'll never forget. But I'm thinking next time I go to Florida, I'll bring more sunscreen!

Pulling Over

When I saw him, I knew. I just knew it was going to be the first time I would be pulled over. My tags have been expired for almost a month, and I just knew, even though I wasn't speeding, I was getting pulled over. I was 1 minute away from my exit. ONE MINUTE from freedom, and he pulled me over right before my exit.

"You realize that your tags are expired, right?"

"Um.. are they? Oops."

"License, registration, and insurance please."

My hand visibly shook as I handed him everything he asked for. I giggled nervously and apologized at least 100 times in the 3 minutes he stood at my window.

No big deal. He didn't even go back to his car to do whatever it is that cops do in there, and he gave me a warning.. told me to get it taken care of asap.

You best believe I drove my happy butt down to the DMV and got me some new tags.

The moral of the story is.. I don't think I want to be pulled over ever again. It was no bueno.

Oh, and P.S. It was snowing today. Thank you, Oregon weather.. that's fantastic!

Day 7!

Day 7: Favorite Movies

This is a tough one. I love so many movies, I know I'll leave some out.
But I'll list the ones that I can think of off the top of my head.

Elf
Friday Night Lights
A Lot Like Love
Juno
10 Things I Hate About You
Strangers
1408
Moulin Rouge
The Hangover
I Love You, Man
Dumb and Dumber
Me, Myself and Irene
Without A Paddle
Freddy Vs. Jason
How To Train Your Dragon
Shrek 1, 2, 3 and 4
Finding Nemo
Up!
Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights
Remember the Titans
Pay it Forward

Basically I love comedies, horror movies, sports movies, and animated movies..
That's quite a variety

It's the Ocean!

Today I went on a mini road trip with my two friends, Kori and Craig. The day started out at 7:30 am. We left for our little journey at 8:30 am. It was pretty normal for a road trip. Not a whole lot going on, just driving, talking and listening to music too loud. After stopping for breakfast, gas and after driving for 3 hours (half an our from our destination) we hit our first speed bump. Craig got pulled over and was given a ticket for going 80 in a 55. In his defense, the car in front of him was driving us ALL crazy, so we [Kori and I] egged him on to pass it. He did, going 80. Of course there had to be a cop right there. It was no bueno.



When we finally got to Newport, this is what we saw. A gray, angry looking ocean. It was about 50 degrees, so it wasn't too cold. We walked closer to get a better view.

You can't tell in this picture, but Kori and I are on the beach. A few minutes after this picture was taken, Craig and I decided to go closer to the water. Kori stayed by the path. The tide started to come in, so Craig and I took off, running away from the water. We heard Kori yell to run faster, so we did. We made it to her safe and sound.. in time to turn around and see that the water was STILL COMING. Much farther than it had come since we had been there, so all three of us took off running as high up as we could. Kori and Craig jumped on a rock, and there was no room for me.. and there was no way I was climbing up the 5 foot tall dirt ledge, I got soaked. Clear up to my knees. My shoes were soaked, my pants were soaked.. and I was freezing. Not a happy camper.




This picture was taken while I was sitting in the car waiting for Kori and Craig to find the keys that Craig had somehow dropped SOMEWHERE on the beach. I was hoping and praying they would found them while I was warming up and taking a few seconds for an impromptu photo op. He found the keys, we went to wal*mart and got sweats and boots for me to wear in place of my soaked jeans and nike's and we headed off to the tattoo parlor.



This is Kori getting her tattoo. It took 2 1/2 hours, but it turned out great! I've decided that I want this guy to do my next tattoo [I'll let you know some other time what it is that I want] for my 21st birthday. We got out of the coast after 6, and didn't get home until almost 11, due to a couple of stops. All in all it was a good day. Oklahoma lost to Mizzou which means it clears the top spot for the BCS. Let's just hope the computers don't screw my ducks out of a #1 ranking again this week.

Hope you all had a wonderful Saturday as well!

Day 6!

Day 6: A Picture of Something That Makes You Happy


This picture makes me happy for the sole purpose that my best friend in the WHOLE world is in it. Kelly [middle] is THE most amazing person I know. She's a wonderful mommy, a wonderful wifey and an even better best friend. This picture makes me happy because it reminds me of all the times I've hung out with her, and I've loved every minute of it. She's my Christina Yang (minus all the crazy). She's my person. This picture makes me happy because I know she'll always be there for me :)

Day 5

Since I'm going to be gone almost all day tomorrow and don't want to worry about having to write a blog before going to bed, this one is a little early. :)

Day 5: Siblings

This is my brother Trevor. He is 5 1/2 years older than me [almost 26] ad he has become a really good friend to me. Growing up, we HATED each other. We fought all the time! We are really close now though. Isn't that the way it works? I love hanging out with him, and he's someone I know I can talk to about anything and not be judged. He loves me for who I am, and I love him for who he is. He has definitely made a difference in my life. Love you, Trev.

This is my [half]sister Karey. She's really just my sister. My mom gave birth to her when she was 18 and gave her up for adoption. 17 years [and a miracle] later, we met her and she's been in our lives since then. Now she is married and has 3 beautiful kids. I can honestly say that she is my biggest role model. I really look up to her. She's such a great person, she just lights up a room when she walks in. I'm pretty sure there's not a person in the world that wouldn't like her after meeting her. She's a great mom, and a great wife, and a strong woman of God. She's funny, and I'm proud to call her my sister. I've known her more than half of my life, and I can't imagine not knowing her. I love you, Karey :)

Differences

It's my day off. Therefore I have nothing to do. I cleaned my room, I'm in the process of doing laundry, I'm wanting a lazy day, so I blog. I found this, and I'm a sucker for survey's, so here ya go.

1.) Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
There are a bunch of people that do this. Kelly is probably the most "consistent" one though.

2.) What was the first thing you thought this morning?
I should not be up this early, it's my day off!!!

3.) Are you tired?

Not at all! I'm wide awake!

4.) Missing anybody?

Always.

5.) What are you doing tonight ?

Nothing that I'm aware of. Going to the Coast with my seester and Cr-eye-g.

6.) How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?
Zero. I'm not really a bracelet fan.

7.) Do you want to have any children?
Eventually. Not any time soon though.

8.) Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?

Oh I'm sure. Probably my brother. I was a little pest back in the day :)

9.) What's the last thing you touched, other than your computer?
My hair.

10.) Who was the last person you had a serious conversation with?

Either Kori or my mom.

11.) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I love my eye color :)

12.) How often do you go to Starbucks?

Not very often anymore. I do love those pumpkin spice lattes though.

13.) How many piercings do you have?
Seven. Six are on my ears and one on my nose.

14.) If all your friends were going on a road trip, would you go?

Depends on where they're going, but probably. I'm going on one tomorrow.

15.) Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past couple of months?

Lol no.

16.) Would you be able to name everyone you kissed in 09?
Easy.

17.) How do you wear your hair most of the time?
It changes. I wear it down and curly, down and straight.. up in a ponytail, up in a bun.. whatever I feel like.

18.) Do you want to see somebody right now?

It's possible.

19.) Think of the last person who said i love you, do you think they meant it?
Oh yes.. it was Mike and Kelly last night. They better mean it!

20.) Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

No.

21.) Are you a bad influence?
Only when I told Colton to skip class if he didn't want to go.. lol other than stuff like that, not really.

22.) Do you ever wonder how other people see you?
YES!

23.) Hugs or drugs?
Hugs, baby!

24.) Are you happy?
I'm happy.

25.) Do you have a bestfriend?

I have a couple. They're the best. But I have one BEST friend. She's amazing.

26.) Have you ever made out with just a friend?
Nope.

27.) Who is the most boring person you know?

That's not really nice.. Nobody I know is boring.. they each have something interesting to bring to the table.

28.) Orange juice or apple juice?
I LOVE me some orange juice, but apple juice is my comfort drink.

29.) Coke or Pepsi?
Diet Pepsi.

30.) What does the newest text message in your inbox say? Who from?

"Your offense is the same offense that OU has been running for 11 years. It's not something new or unique to Oregon." Paton. I really dislike that guy sometimes.

31.) What was the last song you sang out loud?

Here (In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye

32.) Do you have any sisters?
I have one sister and a stepsister.

33.) What time did you go to bed last night?
It was around 11:30ish.

34.) When was the last time you cried?
Couple days ago.

35.) Who gives you the best advice?
Either my sister or Kelly.

36.) Is anything bugging you right now?
Not at the moment.

37.) Do you wear toe socks?

No.. I don't think I could stand those!

38.) Who is the last person you missed a call from?

My dad.

39.) Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?
I wouldn't do it for all the money in the world.

40.) What color are the walls in your room?

White. And they're naked because I'm [supposedly] moving.

41.) Do you own an iPod?
I do. It's green and my headphones are yellow :)

42.) Who was the last person you saw in person?
Scotty!

43.) Have you changed this year?
Yeah.. more than I thought possible!

44.)Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
Not a single person.

45.)Is there a quote you live by?
"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections"

46.) Do you want someone/something you can't have?
Pretty much!

47.) Have you ever played an instrument?
I played the recorder in 5th grade.. and I can kinda play the piano. Just by ear.

48.) Do you speak any other languages?

I can speak a tiny bit of Spanish. I'd love to become fluent in it though, I think it's a beautiful language.

49.) Are you a blonde?

I was born a blonde.. with blue eyes.. Now I have dark brown hair and green eyes.. go figure.

50.) What are you doing tomorrow?

Going to Newport with Kori and Cr-eye-g.

51.) Who is/are your best friend[s]?
Kelly and Alicia.

52.) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Depends. Last time I got poked and prodded so many times.. just to find out I had H1N1.. boo.

53.) What was the happiest moment of your life?

Maybe not the happiest moment, but definitely one of them. Last year on Halloween.

54.) Saddest moment?
There have been a few..

55.) What color are your socks today?
My feet are naked!!

56.) Do you like animals?
I love animals.

57.) If you could mix two species, what would you mix?

That's not weird at all......

58.) Are you still in high school?
Nope, college.

59.) Do you like bright colors?

I like lightning yellow ;)

60.) Do you believe in a God?
I believe in the only God.

61.) If you were able to fly, where would you fly to first?
Somewhere warm!

62.) Who would you take with you if you could go on a life-long adventure?
Hmm... good question!

63.) Who's the coolest person in the world?
Me, of course ;)

64.) Are you a cuddler?
Depends on who I'm cuddling with.

65.) What would i find if i looked under your bed?

Not a thing!

67.) Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
I talk about them on here ;) but other than that, I'm usually a "stuffer"

68.) Whats the best feeling in the world?

Knowing that the Creator of the world loves me, and He knows me better than anybody else :)

69.) Is the person you have feelings for at least a bit cute?
He's very cute. But it doesn't matter.

70.) Would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or neck?
Cheek. My neck is VERY ticklish.

71.) Do you get drunk every weekend?
Nope. I don't get drunk. I'm only 20, duhh.

72.) Last person you kissed calls you, what are they calling for?
Wouldn't be calling me.

73.) Will you be in a relationship next month?
Nah.

Disclaimer

This blog is where I vent. I can talk about anything [that I'm willing to share with a bunch of strangers, and family members] I want. I'm not depressed. If I was, I probably wouldn't be blogging about it. I'm happy. My faith is as strong as ever, and I'm good to go. Just a little heart broken. I know that God has that person already picked out for me, I'm just a little sad that this person wasn't him. I will get over it. I just need to vent. Thanks for your support :)

Day 4!

DAY 4: Your Parents



My mommy is my best friend. Our personalities are a lot alike, and sometimes we clash, but I love her so much, and I really look up to her. We've been through it all together. I would be lost without this woman. She's my go-to person when I'm having a bad day and I need to vent. She's my person that I can be my COMPLETE self around.. I can make a total fool out of myself and she just laughs at me. I wouldn't have it any other way. I thank God for my mommy :)



My dad (The one on the front of the jet ski, the other guy is my brother) and I have gone through a pretty crazy relationship. It started out good, I was the biggest daddy's girl ever! But when I was about 10, our relationship changed. I don't know what changed him, but he became a really angry person. There was a lot of abuse, and I feared my dad. That was our relationship. He punished me and I feared him. Then my parents divorced when I was 14 and he moved to Alabama. A couple years ago I "moved" (didn't stay long) down there and I had a chance to mend my relationship with him. I forgave him, and since then we've been trying to rebuild our relationship. I'm happy with the progress we've made. I love him a lot, but I'm still a little weary to put myself completely out there with him. I'll always love him though.

The Only Exception

To start off with, I knew he had been seeing someone. This was something that I knew. Engaged? Definitely did not see that one coming! Especially since it has only been a year since we expressed our feelings for each other. Engaged. Low blow, man. Cheap shot right to the heart. What do you say to that? "Oh, well that's dumb." Yeah, no. Congratulations? Seems like a lie, but it's all I could come up with. It's not like I expected him to stay hung up on me forever. I knew he would move on. He pushed me away. Out of hurt/anger and whatever else he was feeling. He pushed me away, of course he should be the one to move on easily. He's in control.

I'm used to being controlled. I have an easy-going, people pleasing personality, and it's very easy for me to be controlled. But I feel a little [lot] uneasy about having NO control whatsoever in this situation. Vulnerable is something that I do not like to be. That's how you get hurt. Putting yourself out there is a scary thing! I've done it twice with him now, and both times just proved why I HATE BEING VULNERABLE!

Mean words would have hurt me less. "I hate you, stop talking to me" would have done the trick. But no. I get told things that I don't want to hear from the guy that I still have feelings for while he's engaged! You don't tell someone that still has feelings for you that you still love them. Or that they're one that slipped away. Ummm, hello? I'm RIGHT HERE. Maybe it's a guy thing. Maybe he just wasn't thinking. Telling me that you can't talk to me because you'll end up falling for me again is NOT the way to get me to back off. You're breaking my heart.. again.

I just want my friend back. My football friend, my late night conversation friend, my OTH friend. The person who knew me better than anybody else. The person I think of way too much, wondering if he's thinking about me too. Wondering if he's reading this. Wondering if he misses these things too, but is afraid to put himself out there again. I really hope he's not settling because of me. That would be a real shame.

Side note: why would you be engaged to someone if you still spend time thinking about someone else you still love?

I.Don't.Get.It.

Day 3!

Your First Love

This is probably harder to talk about because it's recently been brought up, but I'll do it. I met M by chance. The odds of us meeting were literally 1 in 500,000,000. We couldn't get enough of each other. We talked every night for hours on the phone [he lives in Fl] and sometimes we'd even fall asleep together on the phone. He quickly became like my best friend. I told him things that I never told anybody. He was funny, sweet, charming, cute, a good person.. everything I wanted in a guy. I fell in love with him.. hard and fast. And just like that, it was over. I wasn't truthful in a couple of things, and it ended our relationship. He told me he didn't want to talk to me ever again, and I honestly couldn't blame him. I deserved it. It's been a year and I've contacted him twice since then. On Tuesday I found out he's engaged, and that's that. We're still not talking, and I'm pretty torn up about it. I still love the guy.

Day 2!

Day 2-Meaning behind your blog name

Well, there's a few reasons. First of all, my eyes are green. Second, behind my eyes (kindof) is my brain and without my brain, I wouldn't be able to write. Third, the song "Behind Blue Eyes" intrigues me, so I rolled with it. No deep dark meaning behind it, just the obvious.

Let's Stay Together

I-I-I-I'm I'm so in love with you.. whatever you want ta do is alright with me-e-e-e.

So my ducks are #1 in the polls that matter
[#2 in the BCS]
And I'm as happy as a clam about it.
Thursday should most definitely be a W.
7-0 babyy

I talked to the boy today. The one that matters. After talking to my brother [Trevor] and one of my bff's [Alicia] and trying to get them to talk me out of it, I did it.
I can't really say that I'm happy about it.
Nothing was really resolved.
I can't help but feel a sense of loss, again.
I miss the friendship/bond we had.
I wish that he missed me enough to want to try.
But I can't make him miss me.
I can just try and get over it.
Ha
If I was going to get over it, it would have happened by now.
But whatever, I don't have a choice.
It was made clear; I'm not wanted.
Story.Of.My.Life.

30 Day Journey (pt.2)

I'm giving this a shot again. Thanks to Katie @

We'll see if I can finish it this time.

Day 1: A recent picture, an intro & 15 facts about Me

This is me. I'm a 20 year old nursing student. I attend a small community college in central Oregon. I love the Oregon Ducks, and I'll watch pretty much any sports. I sing, and I'm pretty good at it, not to brag or anything. I go to church every Sunday. Not because I feel like I have to, but because I WANT to. I've been in love once, and I miss the boy that took that piece of my heart. I'm just your average girl. I love to laugh and have a good time. I don't drink or party. I'm a good girl, but I'm not stuck up. I'm a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and a friend. I'm me.

1. I live in Oregon and have yet to go to California.

2. It literally hurts me when my Ducks lose.

3. I have been an aunt since the age of 12. I have 7 nieces and nephews that are my ACTUAL nieces and nephews, and I have 5 that might as well be my niece and nephews.

4. My best friends are 13 years older than me. I matured faster than people my age.

5. I wish I could be selfish and pull a Meredith Grey. Pick me. Choose me. Love me.

6. Even though we hated each other when we were growing up, my brother has become a really good friend, and an amazing brother. I can't imagine life without him.

7. I've rescued 2 kittens. The first one (Masoli) I gave to my stepdad, because he liked him more anyways. Then I rescued my second one (Uno) on the fourth of July. I love him, even though he's a brat. He's a good snuggler.

8. I am not by any stretch of the imagination a cat hoarder. Kelly. Jerk.

9. I want to be a hospital nurse. I can't choose between Trauma, Pediatrics, or what. But I want to work in a hospital.

10. I've grown more in the past year than I have my whole life (maturity).

11. I want to be proposed to at Autzen Stadium.

12. I really want a "Notebook" kiss. You know what I'm talking about.. don't pretend like you don't.

13. My ultimate dream is to be a good mommy. Not any time soon, but I want to look back on life and know that I did good by my children.

14. I can't get over him. I told him I was over him.

15. Mocha Ice Rages from "Friends" make me very happy.

Dreaming

I've always been a little disappointed in the fact that my dream school (University of Oregon) does not have a nursing program. [insert tears] Over the past few weeks, however, I have been taking a Developmental Psychology class that is being taught by a [you guessed it] nurse. She specializes in Developmental Psychology of children, she's a nurse AND she teaches.

I feel like I have severely underestimated the possibilities that go along with nursing. It's a health care profession but with that comes [mental health]. Aka psychology. So I've been thinking for the past few days, just throwing ideas out there, brainstorming, and dreaming bigger than I ever thought I could dream.

What if I get my bachelors in Nursing, and my masters in Psychology?

I could totally do it!

I've been told many-a-times that I should be a psychologist because I genuinely care about people [which I do] and I've been told that I would be a great nurse because I have a lot of compassion and I can handle the bloody stuff.

Seriously, why shouldn't I do both? All the background in psychology will certainly help me to be the very best nurse that I can be. The best part of it all? I could go to my dream school. Right now it's just in the dreaming stage, but God calls us to dream, and dream big using His help. I'm excited and hopeful when thinking about my future and what God has in store for me. Hopefully it will involve a little green and yellow.

#3 Ducks

I had a BLAST this weekend!
I stayed up all night Friday night to make it to game day by 4:30..
Which was awesome!
Then I took a 2 hour nap Saturday
And went to the game at 3pm!


This is me waiting for the game to start!

The game got off to a rough start..
1st quarter.. 21-3 (them)
But we kicked it in gear and handed them their first butt whoopin.
Courtesy of the [now] #3 Ducks!
Now, if only I can talk my brother into taking me to the Arizona game....
Enjoy a couple pictures :)
(Camera died before the game even started.. boo)