The Girl With No Life

I love love love my new job. It's great. It's competitive (I've already got a ratio above where it needs to be, so that means a bonus check!), I get a $50 bonus if I'm called in to work for someone who didn't show up.. it's awesome.

But seriously? Can't I have a job AND a life? This is my first 2 days off in a row (other than my birthday, but I asked for those days off, so it doesn't count) in a long time. I wish I could say I was out in the sunshine, relaxing.. but no. I have to wash the mountain of laundry in my room because I don't have ANY OTHER TIME TO DO IT! I'm going a little crazy. Hopefully tomorrow (first Friday off since I got the job) will be relaxing and I won't have to do a thing. Maybe I'll go wash my car while my clothes are washing.. at least I'll get some vitamin d!

Does anybody else have the same problem? Finding "Me" time? Parents, you don't count. You'll have me time when your kiddos grow up ;)

Any-who, hopefully I'll have some time to blog tomorrow and I'll schedule some posts, so I'm not only posting mixtape monday! P.S. I'm back on SparkPeople.com.. if you've never heard of it, check it out. It's a nifty little *FREE* tool to help you keep track of the calories/fat/protein/carbs you eat, and you can also get support from other members of the site! Go, do it! Right now.

Mixtape Monday!

It's a little late, but it's never too late for Mixtape Monday!

Here's what I'm listening to this week :)

1. Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5

When it gets cold outside and you've got nobody to love

You'll understand what I mean when I say

There's no way we're gonna give up

And like a little girl cries in the face 

Of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there

Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe.

2. Weightless - All Time Low

Manage me, I'm a mess

Turn a page, I'm a book half unread

I wanna be laughed at, laughed with just because

I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough

3. Where is the Love - Black Eyed Peas

People killin', people dyin'

Children hurtin', you hear them cryin?

If you practice what you preach, 

Then would you turn the other cheek?

Father, Father, Father help us

Send some guidance from above

Cause people got me got me questioning

Where is the love?

4. Only You - Joshua Radin

Wonder if you'll understand

It's just the touch of your hand

Behind a closed door.

All I needed was the love you gave

All I needed for another day

All I ever knew, only you

5. Before We Come Undone Kris Allen

Now pride is out the door, cause I know we can make it before

Make it before the sun breaks another day

I'll wait til you say I'm the only one

Before we come, before we come undone.

6. Now and Then - Adele

Every now and then my memories ache

With the empty ideas of the ones we'd made...

Hearts break and hearts wait

To make us grow from dust

Then our eyes cry and souls sigh

So that we know that it hurts.

7. Landslide (Glee version) - Glee Cast

Well, I've been afraid of changing

Cause I've built my life around you.

But time makes you bolder

Children get older, I'm getting older too.

 

8. Someday We'll Know - Mandy Moore ft. Jonathan Foreman

Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain

Someday we'll know why the sky is blue

Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you...

Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah

Someday I'll go dancing on the moon

someday you'll know that I was the one for you.

 

9. Playing God - Paramore

You don't have to believe me

But the way I, way I see it

Next time you point a finger 

I might have to bend it back

Or break it, break it off

Next time you point a finger,

I'll point you to a mirror.

 

10. Girl Can't Help It - Journey

 

The girl can't help it, she needs more

He hasn't found what he's looking for

They're still standing in the rain

He can't help it and she's just that way.

And when he calls her

She tells him that she still cares

Under the moonlight

He wonders why she can't be there

Why do they go on alone 

When they're missing each other.

Ooh... there's a fire in his eyes for you

Ooh.. do you know she still cries for you

Mixtape Monday

Here's what I'm listening to this week! :)

1. I Can't Wait - Runner Runner

'Cause I can't wait for you to be my wife, to live this life together.

And I won't let you go, I need you to know that you are my heart forever.

2. Hey Girl - Dashboard Confessional

So what if your friends think I'm crazy

Well I wasn't trying to impress those girls anyway

They're all theory, no action

And where I'm from we live like it's the latest attraction.

3. Super Bass - Nicki Minaj

Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away

beatin' like a drum and it's coming your way

Can't you hear that boom badoom boom boom badoom boom bass

He got that super bass

Boom badoom boom boom badoom boom bass

Yeah that's that super bass

4. Rapid Hope Loss - Dashboard Confessional

So much for all the promises you made they served you well

And now you're gone and they're wasted on me.

So much for your endearing sense of charm it served you well

And now you're gone and you're wasted on me.

I guess that all you've got is all you're gonna get

So much for so much more.

5. Time After Time - Eva Cassidy

You say go slow, I fall behind. The second hand unwinds.

If you're lost you can look and you will find me time after time.

If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting time after time.

If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting time after time.

6. Just A Kiss - Lady Antebellum 

Just a shot in the dark that you just might

Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life

So baby I'm alright with just a kiss goodnight.

7. Hero - Abandon 

There He goes, the hero, the Savior to the world

Here He stand with scars in His hands

With love, He gave His life so we could be free..

The Savior of the world, the Savior of the world.

8. Carve Your Heart Out Yourself - Dashboard Confessional

Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has

But it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all.

Oh, look now, there you go with hope again.

You're so sure that I'll be leaving in the end. 

Treatin' me like I'm already gone.

9. Because of You - Neyo

And I know this much is true, baby you have become my addiction

I'm so strung out on you, I can barely move but I like it

So then it's all because of you

10. Making Memories of Us - Keith Urban

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you

And I'll earn your trust making memories of us. 

We'll follow the rainbow wherever the four winds blow

And there'll be a new day comin' your way.

 

My Birthday Weekend!

Let me start by saying I had an AWESOME birthday! It started out way too early (I don't know why I insist on waking up at the exact time I was born [5:38 AM]) but I ended up at Starbucks to see Kelly for a few minutes and she happened to be on her break, so we got to hang! After that, I drove to Eugene and got to hang out with my brother and Grandma for a while. Then I went with my mom and grandma to the nail salon. They got the fake nails (I can't stand them, they last about a week with me if I get them) and I got a pedicure. I hate having my feet touched.. Absolutely HATE it, but the guy that did my pedicure made me love it. I'm not saying that I'll let people touch my feet now, because I won't, but he can touch them anytime ;)

After the pampering, we met up with my beautiful sister and my beautiful niece at The Original Roadhouse (yumm!!). They put a coffee filter on my head and one of those toilet seat covers around my neck and sang happy birthday. It was fun :)

After dinner, my brother and I played some rockband before we got ready to go out. I told him ahead of time I wasn't getting drunk, and he said that was fine. Before we left my grandma said "You look pretty, what, are you trying to go get a man?" Haha no, Grandma, I'd prefer not to meet guys in a bar. Just sayin'. Our first stop was a cozy little bar that played some low-key rap music. And this was my first drink...

I told my brother that I would need something really fruity so I couldn't taste the alcohol. He got me a wild berry mojito. Definitely wasn't my type of drink. I took a drink and almost lost it. It was gross, and not for me. I made him drink it and I got myself a fuzzy naval. It wasn't too bad, but I could still taste too much alcohol. After that drink we went down the street and stopped at a bar that was playing really loud 70's soul music. I got a free rum and coke, which oddly enough was my favorite drink of the night. After I had them add more coke ;) I cut myself off after that and we went home. I was definitely feeling it, but I was in no way shape or form drunk. I ended up falling asleep in the recliner. I remember my mom coming in the living room and saying to my brother "You did this to her!" It was pretty funny.

Friday we went to the coast! Newport to be exact, for my tattoo! We got there early so we stopped at the beach for a few minutes. And of course we took some pictures!

After getting our feet in freezing beautiful ocean, we headed back to the car, and off to the tattoo parlor! The tattoo artist told me that my tattoo was going to take 2 hours, but it ended up taking 45... if that! But let me tell you, it HURT. I couldn't let go of my mom/brother's hand. With my two other tattoos, I didn't need to hold anybody's hand, but this one.. oh my goodness. It felt like a knife was being stabbed into my foot and then dragged across. It was terrible, but I love the finished product!

This picture was taken right after I had it done, so it's still a little bloody. I'd take a picture right now, but my flowers are bruised so it doesn't look like it's supposed to. But  I love it! It was my birthday present to myself :) Just like my first tattoo. I had an awesome birthday, and I love the fact that my age is no longer keeping me from doing anything (other than buying off of the senior menu ;)). I hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well! :)

Don't Blink

Don't blink! Everyone's watching.

They'll think you're up to something.

They need for you to be 

Everything that they cannot be themselves.

It is officially my 21st birthday!

For reals, I was born at 5:38 AM

On Saturday, June 2, 1990.

I'm 21 years old!

Finally.

I'm off to pack, hit up Starbucks

(while simultaneously visiting my best friend at work)

and then I'm hitting the road!

I'll make sure and take lots of pictures!

I hope you have a WONDERFUL June 2nd.

It's only my favorite day of the year!

Disappointment

I am what I hate to call people call a people pleaser. It's true. I rarely do anything without thinking of how the consequences of my actions will affect other people. I've read books about my people pleasing antics, books like "Co-dependency No More" and so on, and so forth. Yes, I know I am co-dependent on my people pleasing and the fact that I like to keep the waters calm.

In stores when I'm looking at greeting cards or books or something, if someone comes up behind me, I will stop my search, move out of the way and patiently wait until they're finished.

I keep my hurt feelings to myself even though it's something I shouldn't keep inside because I just really don't want to stir up any trouble.

I don't say what I want because it might just conflict with what other people around me want.

I don't stand up for myself and say no when I don't want to do something, I do it anyway.

I feel like a shell of the person I'm supposed to be because of the people-pleaser I am. It's very frustrating that I can't just stop. Trust me, I've tried. I've been proud of myself on numerous occasions that I actually said no to people. But then I go on that day feeling guilty. It's something I would love to change about myself.

My feelings were hurt last night, guys. Another thing that happens easily but I keep it to myself and cover it up by using anger or just shrugging it off.

I was told by someone (someone really close to me) that they were disappointed in me. In me?!?! Whatever could they be disappointed in me for?!? *rolls eyes*

This person said that they were disappointed in the fact that I was going to have a couple of drinks on my birthday. My 21st birthday. I've waited until I was 21 to drink, but it's disappointing that I'm going to actually have a little fun on my birthday. I'm going to a bar with my brother because he has always said that he wanted to take me out on my 21st birthday. I'm not going out with a bunch of friends to get "shit-faced" I'm going out with my brother to enjoy a few drinks.. doing something I've never done before. So let's get this straight..

I love Jesus with my whole heart
I'm a 4.0 student
I don't do any of the crazy things kids my age do
I'm actively involved in my church
I work 40 hours a week
But I can't enjoy myself and responsibly have a couple of drinks on my 21st birthday?

I'm an adult. Most of the time I feel like a 35 year old trapped in a 20 year old body. Is it so disappointing that I want to for once in my life act my age a little?

Mind you, this is said to be the hardest age for a believer. I'm going through so many transitions that my head is spinning, and yet I'm being judged for wanting to do something for myself.

My heart hurts, guys. It really does. The people pleaser in me is going to have 1000 lbs of guilt when I have a drink on my birthday tomorrow night. But I'm just going to ignore that part of me, because I DESERVE to have a good time on my birthday. Even if it does disappoint a few people. I'm not here to be approved of. The one that needs to approve of me loves me unconditionally. That's enough for me.

WILW

It's that time again!

Time to link up with Jamie

and share what I'm loving this Wednesday!

I'm Loving... my new job. Though it's cutting into my personal time more than I thought it would, I'm loving the job anyways! My next paycheck is going to be killer (over 80 hours). That being said, I miss my friends.

I'm Loving... that my BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW! If you know me irl, you'll know this to be true. I don't let anybody forget that my birthday is in [insert number] days.

I'm Loving... again, I'm probably a total nerd for putting this one on here twice, but Law & Order: SVU. It's what I watch every night before falling asleep. It might seem weird but it winds me down and makes it easier to fall asleep. Weird, because that kind of show should give me nightmares!

I'm Loving... that I can blame the fact that I change my mind for my tattoo about every day on the fact that I'm a female. Try and stop me.

I'm Loving... that tomorrow I get to see my Eugene family. I miss them and it's always fun seeing them! Pedicures with my mom and grandma on my 21st birthday.. sounds good to me!

I'm Loving... My strengthening relationship with my brother. It's really important to me that we stay close, and we definitely are.. and that makes me happy.

I'm Loving... Mac computers. This is absolutely crazy for me to say, since I'm a firm believer in pc's.. but I've been working on a mac, and I have to say.. it is pretty nice. Maybe that will be my next purchase when my computer goes down the drain (which I have a feeling isn't too far off).

I'm Loving... that it snowed during memorial day weekend. Yep. Real snow. Snowflakes were falling at the end of May in Oregon. And if you don't realize that this is a sarcastic kind of love, then you need to be checked. Because I'm laying it on pretty thick ;)

I'm Loving... Life. <3