Day Five

Day Five - A Time I Thought About Ending My Own Life

Wow. When I saw this one was on the blog challenge, I thought about not even doing the challenge. This question is a tough question to answer and it brings up a lot of bad memories. But I'm on the other side of all that, so I guess it's okay for me to talk about. 

When I was 12, and I was in 8th grade, I went through a really rough time. My cousin (who was 2 years younger than me) died in a car accident. There was a lot of drama within the family after that happened, and it messed with my emotions (obviously). Then a few months later, I had a cyber bully. For no known reason (other than my own sneaking suspicions) someone decided it would be wise to send me an anonymous e-mail telling me that I was worthless, and that I should just kill myself. My life wasn't important, and if I didn't kill myself, they would kill me. No, biggie, right? Well by that time in my life I was already in a dark depression (due to family stuff) and it wasn't a good situation. I finally told my mom about the e-mail a few days later.. and she took it to the police. They did absolutely nothing (this was 8 years ago, and obviously cyber bullying was VERY new back then, they couldn't do anything). I felt so lost, so alone, so hurt, so unwanted. I thought about ending my life when I was 12 years old. I thought about it for maybe 20 minutes, but I never even thought about going through with it. I couldn't do that to my mom.. (we had a family friend's son commit suicide just a year before, and I saw how many people it effected). 

I'm pretty sure we've all had those moments where we think "the world would be better off without me" but God put you here for a reason. He thought I was important enough to give life to, so who am I to say that my life isn't important? I'm very important, and I am very loved.