I got my first ticket yesterday. There, I said it. It was a horrible way to start my day. I was running a little late (thanks to having to wait for my car to warm up so I could get the ice off of it) and probably wasn't thinking straight. I wasn't speeding. Well, I was, but I didn't get caught. I ran a yellow light. Pretty much as soon as I did it, there were lights in my rear view mirror. I'm pretty sure that I said a bunch of four letter words.. right now I couldn't tell you what they were. I pulled over in a parking lot, and was told why I was stopped. The officer went back to his car and did whatever it is that those guys do for 20 minutes while you sit there feeling like an idiot. He came back, and handed me my first ever ticket. I didn't even look at it, I put it in my purse and drove off. I didn't have the heart to look at it. I cried pretty much instantly. This couldn't have come at a worse time. I've been through an emotional roller-coaster. This was exactly a week after someone that I really cared about ripped me a new one and said all kinds of nasty things to me. I really didn't need a $287 fine. Yeah, that's right. Two hundred eighty-seven dollar fine. For a yellow light. Yikes. My spirits have been low recently and this did nothing to help lift them. I have 3 exams tomorrow and a paper due that I haven't even started. I'm not a slacker. But this hole I've fallen into is pulling me deeper and deeper into it. I've lost almost all of my motivation to do anything.. to work out, to study hard, to do homework.. to do anything. I'm stressed out, I'm hurting, I'm exhausted.. I'm battling depression. I'm bipolar. Not extreme, but I do have really high-highs and really low-lows. Right now I'm low. I'm fighting like hell to get out of it, but that ticket just brought me back down. My heart hurts. Really bad.
But I started a Beth Moore Esther bible study with a few of my friends this morning. One thing that was said really stuck out to me, and helps me with what I'm going through right now. "You can't separate your history from your destiny." Wow. God is going to use what I'm going through right now to shape my destiny. He's going to pull me through this (not that I had any doubt that he would) and it's going to shape me into a better person. I hate feeling sorry for myself, but sometimes.. it's allowed. As long as I don't stay there. So for today, I'm going to wallow in self pity. Tomorrow is a new day. A fresh slate with a new attitude. Wish me luck.
I can relate to your high highs and low lows. Not same situations as yours this term, but I can totally relate. With graduation looming just 5 terms away, I am excited but nervous and when I get into my lows, I have issues of telling myself I can't do it. Thanks for posting that statement from the study, I think I needed to 'hear' it again. One day and one step at a time. :o)
ReplyDeleteExactly. I keep repeating that line to myself when I'm having a rough day. It actually helps! I'm excited to get back together on Monday! See you there! :)
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