Life Lessons

This week has been, let's just say difficult. Not really that bad when you get down to it, but it's been messing with my emotions. I felt lead to say goodbye to someone, and start moving on, so I did it. That was hard. I've been looking for a job, and having no success whatsoever so far. I'm stressing a little bit, I need a job before I can move. Move in date is the second week of December. It's getting down to the wire. I'm getting frustrated with the results from the gym, drinking only water, eating healthier. I'm not losing weight. I'm staying the same. Maybe it's from lifting weights (muscle weighs more than fat).. but I'm just feeling really discouraged. I found out about the upcoming divorce of some family friends, that just broke my heart.

To say my emotions are all over the place is an understatement. I was at the gym working out last night, and just started crying. For no known reason at all. It was kind of embarrassing, even though nobody saw me. Knowing that I cried while lifting weights is just weird to me. I thought about going home and having a good cry. Sometimes you just need one of those, right? Instead, I got in my car and just sat there and cried out to God. I prayed good and hard and I instantly felt better. It was like he said "I've got you. You're going to be fine. Rely on me, stop trying to do it all." And so I gave it all to him, and today I couldn't feel better. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle anything that comes my way (with his help of course). I saw an episode of One Tree Hill the other night and Julian said "Happiness is a mood. Not a destination." It's really true. I don't have to be happy all of the time. It doesn't mean I'm depressed, I'm just not happy at that moment.

I've realized that not every marriage is going to work out. It's a sad realization, but it's true. I shouldn't be so upset because two people that I care about grow apart. They clearly know what's best for them. It makes me sad, but it shouldn't affect me like it did.

I've also realized that worrying about finding a job isn't going to get me a job. God will have the perfect job for me, and I'll get it in time to move, or I'll just have to push back the moving date. No big deal.

I've realized that as long as I keep trying and I'm healthy, that's all that matters. I don't have to lose 5 lbs to be happy. It'll come off eventually, and when it happens, I'll celebrate. If it doesn't this week, I'm no worse off.

I've also realized how much one person can impact your life. I even said back then that if nothing came of our friendship/relationship, I would be blessed just from knowing him. Which is true. He taught me a lot, and maybe that's why he was in my life. Maybe we weren't supposed to have any more than that. I'll take it for what it's worth. I've learned a lot from him, and I'm just going to apply it to my life and future relationships. So, thank you.

I had quite the breakthrough last night, and it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm thankful for breakthroughs like that one. I look forward to the glass being half full again now that it's been poured into.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."